im lost

Did it ever happen that you feel as if you are in the middle of a big gigantic crossroad where all ways looks the same… empty, scary, confusing and no help around???

Feel like I’m in one such situation. Some time we take few really bold steps in life where we think that good or bad.. lets do it. I wonder how many people would be prepared for the bad in those situations. Never did I give a thought about it coz never did a situation like that arrive before, but now I feel that though I have jumped into a couple of things very boldly and I was never prepared for the bad that could ever happen. Deep down somewhere buried, I knew that things can sometimes go wrong, but not once did I plan for it. Lol, no one really plans for it though.
And now what??? Which path do I take?

All directions seem to be almost the same…. Tough, tedious, full of twists and turns..And also I don’t find a path which might have a near parallel path to it.
Now I realize that I’m lost…

BELATED HAPPY TEACHERS DAY!!

BOSSUU..memory LOSSUU....
do you think I’m not trying to hum the latest song here
nahhh.....
I forgot something really important

as a mark of reverence my deep appreciation
for all those teachers n elders
who have directly or indirectly taught me the values of my life
who at every stage guided me to choose the best
who taught me to stand for what is right.. no matter how hard it is
and showed me the beauty of sharing, caring and being for one another

"Guru Brahmaa Guru Vishnu
Guru Devo Maheswara
Guru Saaksaat Param Brahma
Tasmai Shri Guruve Namaha"

BELATED HAPPY TEACHERS DAY!!

I miss my school time now. It was a lot fun then [:P] But something i was wondering here is, how come orkut didn’t remind me of the day?? Whatever is the occasion i find all the display pics and status messages turned on with the latest new. When YSR expired almost all the names were turned to "YSR we miss you, YRS; may his soul rip" and so on. But somehow i didn’t find the Teachers day message on any of my updates. I’m not blaming people for not reminding me (lol) but i think the day was worth being mentioned.

music

When the world around me seems like hell, when everything I try works out to be a complete disaster the only medicine that can calm all my senses and make my brain work is some good music. What a gift we found for our self. Not just trouble or pain, any situation and music can change the way u feel. It’s not just something that I am saying here. But its proven science that we are hardwired to interpret and react to a piece of music. You get happier when you listen to good music… and when we are dull we tend to listen to the slow music where we try to find peace with it.

My dad gets completely freaked up when he finds me reading a book with the music on. It’s as if I am committing the greatest sin of my life.. lol. But I try hard to make him understand that it’s scientifically proved that music will enhance the learning skill. The only thing that separates a genius from an average person is his learning ability, which can be improved with music. People learn through music and their minds grow faster when it is implemented in the right way. It’s just a myth that is being continued for some time now that they both don’t gel well.

It gets hard to put it in words sometimes the most beautiful things….

Destiny

if we think we can fight against our destiny...
if we think we can change whats writen for us
let me tell you oh boy
its a big NO...

this is another example for that

check it out!!

the essential

people struggle all through their life
try to get all the bloody comforts
no stopping at any point...

you get one and then
keep looking for the next
next best, that can make one more happy

a child finishes his/her high school
thinking it would be an end to his problems
everything will be easy then after

but no..

he faces the challenges of college
he is made to think
that college would be the end of the troubles

but no..

he faces a job next
and thinks if he can make a mark there
that will be an end

but no..

slowly one understands that
this is a circle that he is in..
with no beginning and no end to it
just as one problem stops
the other pops up reminding him of its presence

what good is all the struggle
without those couple hrs of sleep

you have been working all through
satisfying yourself at times and
satisfying your loved ones..
what good is all the struggle
Without those couple hrs of sleep..

Decision

Peeping back into the past… a couple of years back, I was never given the liberty to take my own decisions.It was always my mom and dad who decided things for me...

Which school to go?
Which transport to take?
What to eat?
What to play with?

But that was all when I was very small. When I didn’t even know how to question. Gradually I started understanding things. That was when the reasoning started and I kept asking them why not that, why this???

Math as a subject. why.. Why not something else?
Girls college....... why.. Why not something different?
Late night movie with friends... why... Why not once in a while?

My parents decided almost everything for me
What to do, what not to do.
Where to go, where not to go.
I was so upset…. Always used to argue… how will I learn things if you don’t let me make mistakes.If you dont give me the control..

and then suddenly things changed...
they gave me the liberty of taking my own decisions

I want go to America, be an independent girl, do my work in my own way… and they said YES… upto you.

At first every things was good... like it usually is. I loved all the freedom, all the individuality which was in my work. Slowly everything was in my control. I was the boss of my own life, I could take any decision I wanted to take. Slowly things were getting bigger and bigger. Questions about my future. Questions of peace of mind, questions of integrity, questions of self respect…. All stated to pop up. And it was getting so tough to handle things. Always had the question of “am I doing it right?” in my mind. I asked my parents each time if what I am in was right… was it right for me, was it right for them. But then I realized I will no more be getting any “To-Do” from them. The only answer that I now get is “You are big enough, you can make your own decisions, go for whatever u think is right!!!”

Huhhh!!

i hate it now. Hate it more than what I hated when I was restricted. I wish they could still take my decisions. Huhh!! But I guess it’s too late. I do not have the control which I can give back nor can they take it. Taking decisions is so hard hitting at times. So much to think about so little. The responsibility that comes along with it is so huge.

And now when i argue with my mom, Why the hell do you guys allow me to take my own decisions? And she says, the time to be protective is over. The time you be responsible is up!!

Summer evening...

Summer time, 8.30 in the evening, with the light breeze rustling through my patio door. The lil sparrows twittering as lovely as ever. The lil bee bee’ing above my daisy pot, the clam slow music. everything seems so lovely…. Feel like a perfect summer evening after a long time. I think about all my lovely evenings that I have spent with my family and friends. Me and pallu on the roof top, talking about everything and nothing sometimes… those loud laughter’s, those stupid gossips, those silent staring… all those seem as fresh as these daisies J leaving a smile on my face. 7.30 in the evening and my mom would be home with the hot samosas, bajjis.. and we would have the endless talk about all that happened, and my mom setting examples of what to be and what not to be. Lovely!!!! And 9 o clock and the fight begins for the remote… one with KBC, one with saas bahu soaps but new channels always win over the others. I miss those days now. They were some of the best moments I will ever remember. It seems we realize the value of some things only when you are away from it. I guess that is the beauty of parting from some things. Those small issues end up making the whole difference.

These life stages are also so funny. We just don’t realize all these when we have them, and by the time we do, we end up being far from them. This learning process seems so bad at times. But I’m glad that I at least now, I have learnt them. So that the next time I find them, I will treasure those. Life is all about learning. We understand a few things only when we learn it the hard way. It never sets in the mind when someone tells us the consequences.. I was so busy with my life some time back that I now feel that I haven’t spent quality time with my mom and dad. I made some strong decisions in life that I didn’t think of leaving my brother all alone… It hurts me now. That I left him at a time when he needed me the most as a friend, as his teacher, as his guide, as his partner in crime [:P] sorry bro!!!

All these things leave me with a heavy heart. What have I done!! Why have I done that?? Dollar dreams!! Uncle Sam has betrayed me. Came here with so many hopes!! Thought just a few years away from my favorite things and then I will be rewarded with the best ever. But I was wrong… whatever might be the reason of this slump in the economy. It has changed my plans. I will have to re-evaluate things. And this time I have learnt lesson of not going behind the things that will not last a while… But the best thing about this whole thing is that it has left me so strong that I have the courage to stand up and face whatever odds that might pop up. Thanks you America for that!!

Anyways I don’t wana end this lovely summer evening with a tear. Whatever happens, happens for our good. I am enjoying this learning too!!!

awesome video

they are few things which seem so unrelated to your life yet sometimes they bring joy to our heart.. and this video is one of that kind...

A slumdog, with no proper food to eat, bed to sleep, and water to drink manages to give his best with whatever he is dealing with. This video teaches that the real education in life does not lie in the sophisticated classrooms or the big books. The stubborn reason to survive teaches it all. Everything seems alien before we try it out. It’s just the first one step that is difficult, and once you are into it, we will gain all the courage to fight it...

CHANGE... at times i hate it

“Nothing is Permanent but change” someone great said this and it is so true. Everything around us, with us keeps changing and that is the final thing. This one quote gives me so much of strength.. but sometimes i hate it so much that things change..

In this journey called life, we get to meet so many people; we talk to so many. There are few who just come in like a fast blowing wind and go out the way they came ,and a few who come but will make a place in our heart forever. U make so many good, in fact great memories with them that no matter how far they again go from you they will stay with you forever. Their very though brings a smile on your face, strength in your heart and sometimes a tear on your eye..

this goes for my very good friend divya.. I will miss you so much :)

to finish strong

It gets so tought when we are almost to the end, and thats the time when most of us tend to give up. It is the WILL to finish strong that would make all the difference. People are not gona remember all that happened in the beggining and in the middle, but the END.

A shoulder

Was going through a post in another blog and couldn’t resist from not posting it in mine. It’s a small story that goes about this way.....

A mom asks her small kid what he thinks was the most important part of his body??
The kid listens to the questions. Thinks for a while and says 'my ears mom'. Who assumed sound to be very important for all humans. Mom shrugs off saying "this is not the right answer" "there are many deaf people who found ways to survive though"

Time passed by and the kid came across the same question again, and now he thought himself to be a lil wise enough to answer the question with all the maturity he thought he had gained and then he answered "Mom, sight is very important to us. So i guess the most important part should be our eyes" Mom refutes saying “you are learning very fast. But there are many blind people leading life. I’m afraid that’s not the right answer"

Years passed by and he kept trying different answers, stumped all the time.

and then

suddenly his grandfather died one day. Everyone was in deep pain, his dad was in all grief. He saw his dad crying, which was not usual at all. And during his time to say a final good bye to his grandpa his mom asked him again "What is the most important part of your body?" he was all shocked to listen to the question at that time. He didn’t expect it. He always thought it was a game between the two.

And then his mom understood the confusion on his face "This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you were wrong. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson."

Looked into her eyes filled with tears and then she told “the most important part of your body is your Shoulder" the boy asks is it because it holds up my head? And then she replies “No, it’s because it can hold your friends or a loved one’s head when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life. I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it."

And then I was silent…
Silent for a long time

This story just touched my heart in a deep way. I always took shoulder to be JUST a body part of mine, but I appreciate its importance now. I look back and I’m so glad that in this journey called life I’ve successfully bagged so many for myself. If tomorrow, i want to cry I’m sure that I will have my friends shoulder waiting for me. It’s so strange that throughout our life we engross our self with so many worldly comforts and luxuries which can all be optional, and forget the subtle things that can bring so much of difference to our living…

relations

was watching this film Fireproof... and started thinking all bout relationships.
How strange they are
How complicated they become at times
How carefully they have to be handled
And most importantly how beautiful they can make your life least they have been played right :)

i actually don’t know what exactly i deducted from that and what i want to pen down here.. Maybe i wanted to gauge about it here. How good or bad i have been with them. How happy i am with those and what changes i want to bring in to them. Have i been a good daughter, sister, a good friend or a good lover so far....

Or maybe not!!!!!

Today i think about the relationship that i hold with myself. This thought kind a surprises me. i haven’t thought about it so far.... never ever tried to analyze what is the kind of relation that i hold with my own self. i realize that i haven’t given much attention to this one. i have been so grossly entangled in satisfying, nurturing my other relations that i have completely ignored the one that i hold with my own self. And now time has given me a fair part of itself to bridge this gap and keep pace with the rest.

Good luck to me with this very new relation :)

Ma Family

i have always herd that "Distance is a great promoter of love" I think i have never thought about this phrase much ever...but now When im away from my home and family it make me realize that it is Soooo true!!!!

Now when i am away from my home
i get to know the pinch of it

I never realized in my 22 yrs that my family, my people back home, my friends, every single things that i have left over there would mean so much to me. Every day when i get up i think it would be a different day over there with my mom shouting at not getting up early, my bro fighting with me for petty things, my dad giving lecture about life, my friends turning in with a different story, different idea every single day...

ahaa..

what a life that was.... i had so much fun in so lil comforts...
there were always cribbing of not having something.. but not a single day when i rolled a tear saying im missing some thing..

things change..... that is the only permanent thing in life!!!!
but few relations and feelings will never change for a lifetime.. :)
i am so glad that i have a family which can stand by side all through the journey of my life. My mom with whom i can share all my troubles in this world, my dad who can give me all the inspiration and courage to face things, my brother who can make me smile with his funny acts and caring thoughts and my friends with whom i share the weirdest of dreams & thoughts

i am so thankful to all of you

I miss you all so much

all you people mean so much to me :)

Lessons from Life??

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon